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Nothing-ism April 1, 2015

Posted by michaelnjohns in Uncategorized.

Well, I’ve reached a breaking point in life.  After these years of mindlessly following the rest of the sheep I’ve decided to become a nothing-ist.  That’s right, folks.  No more will I bother to wrestle with faith and truth and lies and love and hate and emotion and apathy.  They’re only constructs created by other people to keep me under their control, and all I care about from now on is myself.  I will respect no more constraints.

All those prayers I thought were actually answered must have just been random coincidences, wishes granted by a very random cosmos.  Nothing is important but me.  Nothing matters but me, no one else matters but me, and everything else is nothing. Life is hard but it’s hard for everyone whether they’re a Jesus freak or a Flying Spaghetti Monster Follower.  I’ve decided it really doesn’t matter any more what anyone believes, what they think or what they do.  Go ahead and excommunicate me, I don’t care.  And I’m going to go into life and take what I want, and I don’t care what happens to anyone else but me.  I want the best and I’m just going to take it when I can.

Don’t get in my way.  I’m going to be just as selfish as everyone else.  If it’s rightfully mine don’t try to take it from me or be prepared for consequences.  If it isn’t mine and I need or want it, I’m taking it.  No more loving, meek, submissiveness, no more grace under pressure, no more strength under control or restraint, no more letting other people walk all over me. Don’t ever ask me for help either.  What’s mine is mine and what’s yours, well, just watch your back because I haven’t got it for you.

Today is a day of freedom and celebration.  The shackles of life are nothing.  The burden of obedience to a set of rules is nothing.  The burden of caring about anyone else is nothing.  From now on I ignore the bad news in the newspapers and on TV, the believers in whatever religion they choose, the books that for some reason people think are holy, and all the gods people worship.  Is one idol, or ideology, superior to any other idol?  You decide, or don’t decide.  Your eternity is your eternity as mine is mine.  Or perhaps there isn’t any such thing.

I’m writing a new “holy” book if you want to call it that, a wealth of wisdom about nothing.  Doing nothing.  Caring about nothing.  Thinking nothing.  Believing nothing.  And I’d better get writing quick, because it’s already April 1.



1. Barber Jim - April 17, 2015

This is obviously an April Fool’s joke. “Where else would we go?” Oops, finally skipped to the last line. Spoiler alert!

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